By A.J. Llewellyn
A funny thing happened on the way to meeting my deadline for one of my two new March 1 books,
Molokai Man (Shameless Plug Alert!). A kind of cock block. Truly. I don't know what else to call it.
I am in Hawaii with a few members of my family and I have made it clear we might be in paradise but I am still on a tight schedule. I am still working. Everybody understood...or so I thought...but by yesterday morning, I was struggling to finish it. The block was not mine, but everybody else's. I even rose at 4.30 am to get in some quality work time but alas, my nearest and er...dearest figured it was a fine time to ask me for food, coffee, needle and thread, irons, food, coffee, ironing boards, rides to the stores, food, coffee...etc.
In despair, I sneaked out of the house and went to Starbucks. I see people there all the time working away on their 'puters.
Nobody I knew would think of looking for me there...
Anyway, Starbucks was doing brisk business at 5.52a.m. but there were still a few empty tables so I loaded up on a Grande Americano and set up my laptop at a corner table and got busy working.
Within a minute, I was back where I should have been, on the island of Molokai, helping my hero Jack Christie unravel a mystery, when...a voice dragged me back to the coffee shop.
"Hey...yeah...you."
I looked up to find a guy with an angry scowl staring down at me.
"Is your Internet running fast?"
It took me a few seconds. "I'm not using Internet."
"Mine's running slow," he said. "I can't believe it. What server do you use."
"I'm not online."
"You got a bad wireless server too, huh?"
"No. I am working...I am not online."
For five minutes this guy harangued me. "Which company are you with?" he asked me repeatedly. I was ready to kick his ass by now. I said, "Honestly, I'm on deadline. I'm not trying to use the Internet."
"Which company are you with?"
"Skywave." By now I was ready to lose it. If he asked me for an iron or an ironing board I would not be responsible for my actions.
He walked away and I resumed my work. My hero Jack Christie waved to me from the inside of his black pickup truck and turned the key in the ignition.
"Hey...yeah...you."
Unbelievable. The frickin' twerp was back!
"I just checked. Skywave isn't getting a signal."
I did not respond. I was in clear and present danger of assaulting him. I lowered my gaze and went back to work and he eventually ambled back to his computer.
Less than a minute later another guy came rushing in, came right over to me and asked about the wireless service.
"I'm on my honeymoon. I've been in bed for two days, I have no idea what's going on in the world. You got wireless?"
Go away! "No. I'm just writing."
"Writing?"
He might as well have asked, "What are you, weird?"
What is it about a distressed-looking man pounding on a laptop that invites constant intrusion? I have several friends who swear by their local coffee shops as being havens. I have no idea how.
You attract loons and louts...who insist on telling you their life stories.
The newlywed kept talking. His wife apparently will not leave him and certain parts of his anatomy alone.
All I could think is, I would not be strolling down to Starbucks to complain about this. I'd be making good use of her rampant hormones...
I excused myself, packed up my things and left.I walked by the first guy who, predictably was cruising the porn sites. The photo on the screen showed a rather large lady doing something unpleasant to her er...
innie...with a soda can.
I went back home, found a spot in the garden where the only things between me and my deadline were birds and bees and an occasional four legged critter. They don't bug me, block me or blab to the two legged mammals about my secret hiding place and this morning, Jack Christie might just get to solve all his mysteries once and for all.
Aloha oe,
A.J.